Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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