You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
