why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
