Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Randomize
