I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
