i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
