you guys were way drunker than both of me
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
