I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
