She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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