Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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