You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
