you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
