Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
