I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
