Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
