Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I'm getting married
To pizza
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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