And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
