I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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