Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
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