I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
