so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
