oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
