I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
