Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
My balls are so social today.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
