I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
