first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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