I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
