Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
