WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
