a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
