my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
