so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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