Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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