I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
last night I used snow as a chaser
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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