Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I think I just sharted jello shots
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
