the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
