Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
