He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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