dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
