so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
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