textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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