Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
So much Jack, so little girl.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
