my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Sorry my hands just texted you
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
