Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
The uberlube is also flammable
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
