Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
i think i just lost a toe
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize
