just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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