I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
