I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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