In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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