You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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