just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
