the condom got lost in my hair
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
