Are we in a gay sports bar?
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i need an iv and a liver transplant
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
