You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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